


Bodyguard Duty is Babysitting Duty in Disguise

by Xmenfan33



Series: Royals of Xing [1]
Category: Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood & Manga
Genre: Adventure, Ed hates everything about this mission, Ed is a bodyguard, Ed's second mission, Humor, No Romance, Xing Princess, lost in the wilderness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-02
Updated: 2020-08-02
Packaged: 2021-03-05 19:48:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 16,014
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25660870
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Xmenfan33/pseuds/Xmenfan33
Summary: Edward Elric has only been a State Alchemist a few months, and so far hasn't been overly impressed with his assignments. This latest one feels more like a punishment when he's ordered to act as a Bodyguard for a foreign official.Previously Posted on FF.net
Series: Royals of Xing [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2000686
Comments: 7
Kudos: 21





	1. Chapter 1

Bodyguard duty is really just babysitting duty in disguise. Edward knew this to be a fact. Mustang was either punishing him for something or thought so little of him ( he shuddered at the word barely suppressing his anger) that he could only get grunt work. So far he wasn't very impressed with the assignments he'd been receiving. First mine inspections and now this? Babysitting some foreign princess. It didn't matter what Mustang had said about diplomatic relations and great honors and blah blah… Edward had tuned him out, because he hadn't joined the military to babysit! How was this going to help him reach his goals?

So now instead of doing something USEFUL like looking for the stone or fighting corruption (that had at least been fun) or researching he was standing on the train platform waiting for a princess. Ed didn't know the first thing about princesses. Mustang had been no help, only saying they were just girls with extra jewelry, whatever THAT was supposed to mean. Ed had then done what he always does when he needed information. He went to books.

Unfortunately, by the time the briefing was over the library was closed. Fortunately, he was staying with the Hughes who seemed to have an unusually large collection of books about princesses for their six month old daughter. Ed read them all, and now knew that this was just babysitting duty. He was tired and annoyed. He was also almost completely certain that no one actually knew anything about princesses because the things he read just weren't possible.

Al on the other hand was excited. He had even made a small sign that read clearly "Chen Li". Ed refused to admit out loud it was a good idea. Far better than trying to spot someone he had never met in a sea of people, which is what he had intended to do. Al was holding the sign since he was taller than average. He had even made sure to word it this way to prevent any accidental insult to his size sensitive brother. Ed was luckily indifferent to the sign.

The swarm of passengers began to deboard then, just as Ed was beginning to grow impatient. He had been waiting for the last thirty minutes. Mustang had told him to be sure to be an hour early just in case the train arrived ahead of schedule. Ed had arrived later in an act of defiance, but made sure to still be early so he could claim he obeyed. Finally, he spotted a young Xenise girl who looked to be about his age. She was dressed in a red silk dress that looked ridiculously decorated so he assumed this was who he was waiting for even without the crown the books mentioned.

She was attempting to see around the much taller adults, which flowed past her. Though he was dubious of her dress he was heartened by her stature. She spotted Al's sign which he held slightly higher when she hadn't approached right away. She finally made her way over to them…and he came to the bridge of her nose. Quickly he looked down at her shoes. He growled under his breath at the flat slippers. His scowl returned instantly. Chen ignored Ed completely as she addressed Al. "Edward Elric? I was told to watch for someone close to my size?"

"Who are you calling so small he'd disappear in the crack of a sidewalk?! I'm Edward Elric dammit." Ed ranted, red faced.

"…Wait. Did you just call me short?" Chen said. "That's just stupid."

"What's stupid?" Ed asked still fuming.

"Pretty much everything about you I'm assuming."

At this point Al dropped his sign to grab his brother before Ed could cause an international incident in the train station.

…

Al had managed to calm Ed down and they gathered Chen's luggage before Ed checked the file to see where they were to go next. Luckily, their first and only scheduled stop for the day was to check into the hotel that had been booked for Chen. He was to stay in an adjoining room to keep an eye on her.

They left the train station as Ed debated between walking and taking a taxi since he had no idea if the princess would walk that far. The question was settled when he spotted Havoc leaning against a car, cigarette hanging out of his mouth. Havoc straightened and put it out as he saluted Ed with a smile.

"Sir. I'm here to escort you to your hotel." Havoc said.

"Sure. Whatever." Ed grumbled, as he climbed into the backseat.

Havoc held the door for Chen, then suggested Al ride up front. The ride was rather short, and Havoc jumped out to let the kids out of the back as soon as he pulled up. He whispered to Ed low enough no one could hear him. "You know as a bodyguard you are supposed to make sure she's in the car before you climb in yourself."

Ed waived off his advice and dismissed him. If she couldn't even manage to get into a car without help it was going to be a very long week. They managed to check in without issue, before heading up to their rooms. Al had agreed to stand guard in between their doors for the night so that if there was any trouble he'd hear it right away, Mustang was unaware of this plan (though he would have agreed had Ed talked to him about it). A sleep deprived Edward was not someone Alphonse wanted to deal with. Never again. The only thing worse in his opinion was a hungry sleep deprived Edward.

Chen disappeared inside her room as soon as Ed cleared it, glaring as she announced her intent to bathe and change. Ed had no problem with this plan, and in turn asked his brother to keep an eye on her while he took a nap in his own room. He was looking forward to a long nap before dinner. He laid down after kicking off his boots and throwing his bright red coat on a nearby chair.

Ed had been laying there for only about a half an hour when Al knocked on his door. "I'm sorry Brother!" Al said through the door. "Chen is really hungry and she even offered to go by herself if you were to tired."

She had actually said that she was going to dinner and Ed could either deal with it or stay sleeping but Al didn't want to make their already rocky start worse.

Ed groaned, considered just ignoring his brother, then sat up. Al would be upset with him if he just let the girl wander off, not to mention the lecture he'd get if Mustang heard about it. He got up and rushed into the hall as he pulled on his black jacket and gloves. There was a brief flash of light that was reflected off his wrist before he got the glove all the way on.

"What was that?" Chen asked

"What was what?" Ed said as he shoved his boots on. He'd never had to explain the automail before. Someone else was usually around to do that for him, mostly Granny. Mostly people just didn't mention it.

Granny and Winry of course knew all there was to know about automail, and the only other people he really interacted with were military men. Military men were used to seeing automail, though some seemed put off by seeing it on someone so sma-young-he meant young. What worried him was if she asked him what happened to get it. Mustang had helped him come up with a believable cover story but he had yet to try to use it… so he was really hoping she'd let it go. His luck held, Chen was more interested in dinner than his arm. "Whatever. Where's food?"

"This way." Ed said with a relieved sigh and eyeroll.

Down in the dining room Ed and Chen were seated next to the window and handed menus. However, after they had ordered the silence grew awkward with no reason to ignore each other. Ed was wondering if talking to her was part of the job and if so what to actually talk to her about. Mustang had advised they were just girls… but what exactly did girls talk about?

Winry loved to talk about automail, in fact it was pretty much the only thing she talked about anymore. Ed didn't want to remind Chen of that line of questioning though. Granny and Teacher both loved to talk about his size and health. This was also not a subject he wanted to open. Lt Hawkeye talked about guns, and his health… and Ed just realized he didn't actually know much about girls after all.

"Hey." Chen said, tired of the silence herself. "Do you know any alchemists?"

Finally, a subject Ed was comfortable with. " A few. I'm an alchemist myself actually."

"Really?! You are?" Chen said excitedly, leaning forward with her eyes gleaming. " I should pay attention in briefings more often! I had no idea I would be meeting a REAL alchemist."

"You ignore briefings?" Ed said, grabbing the first part of her statement to catch his attention. "I do too! They are such a waste of time."

"Yes, plus they are so boring." Chen agreed with a nod. "So, do you have one of those special watches and everything?"

"Oh sure." Ed said as he pulled his watch from his pocket to show her. As she took it gently from him, he briefly hoped that this mission wasn't going to be a complete nightmare after all.

"Wait, so did you like magic metal onto your arm or something? Why would you do that? Is it an alchemist thing? Does it make you stronger?" Chen rattled off excitedly.

" No. It's a prosthetic. No alchemy involved." He said snatching his watch back. He was wrong. This was going to be torture.

They fell back into silence as their food arrived and they began eating. As the waiter arrived she finally broke the silence. "So what can you do?"

Ed, who had been signing the bill to her room, used the pencil to make a simple circle on the tablecloth. He then snapped the pencil in half and set it in the circle before placing his hand on the lines. With a flash of blue light the pencil was whole once more. Ed saw the frown on the waiter's face and decided they should return to their rooms for the evening. He grabbed Chen and pulled her away before they could make anymore of a scene.


	2. Chapter 2

Ed was miserable. He was tired and hungry. He had spent the last four hours following an insane (in his opinion) girl from shop to shop, who apparently intended to look at every single frilly girly shop in the city. He had flat refused to follow her into this latest one. If she got attacked looking at underthings that wasn't his fault! She wasn't even buying anything, she just wanted to look at it all.

He had endured this the last two days, and he had decided he was complaining about it in his report. He should request hazard pay for brain damage. He also silently swore that the next time Winry drug him shopping he wasn't complaining. Winry never drug him to these kind of stores.

Ed pulled out his watch to check the time. With a sigh of relief he shoved it back into his pocket before opening the door to the shop. He wasn't going in THERE so he yelled (with his eyes closed and arm covering them) "Chen! We need to go now or we'll miss our train!"

Chen screamed in surprise inches from him. She had been reaching for the door when he pushed it open. Chen's scream made Ed scream, not expecting her to be that close. His eyes flew open in surprise, before he screamed a second time and he slammed his arm across his face now blushing face. The store owner was walking toward them with a scowl. Chen rolled her eyes with her hands on her hips.

"Why did you do that?" she demanded.

"What?" Ed said with his eyes still covered.

"Throw the door open and scream in my face!"

"Well what was I supposed to do?!"

"You almost hit me!"

"Young lady." The shop owner interrupted. "I am going to have to ask you and your friend to leave, you are disrupting other customers."

"I am NOT her friend. I'm her bodyguard." Ed said in an offended tone. The effectiveness of his glare was diminished by his closed and covered eyes. As well as his bright blush, not to mention his obvious youth, short stature, and high cracking voice.

Chen grabbed his hand and began to drag him away. "He wishes he was my friend! But we'll miss our train if we don't leave right now."

"We're going to miss it for sure if you keep going the wrong way." Ed said dryly.

….

Alphonse was waiting on the platform with their luggage and the tickets. He was nervously shifting from foot to foot while wringing his hands and looking around for his brother. He finally spotted them among the crowd and yelled for them to hurry up. Ed yelled in return for Al to get aboard and they would be right there.

Their train had just begun to move as the pair had reached it, so Ed quickly shoved Chen aboard before jumping on himself. He straightened his coat, ignoring her glare, and began to walk down the aisle toward his brother's large metal frame before he realized she wasn't following him.

"What?" he snapped at her glare.

"You pushed me onto a moving train! What if I had fallen?" Chen said angily.

"Oh get over it. I had ahold of you, you weren't going to fall. We do this all the time!" Ed said waiving his arms around.

Chen hmphed and stomped past Ed to Al. Al had been watching the entire exchange over his book but was pretending to be absorbed to avoid being drug into another argument.

"Do you really ride the train often?" Chen asked as she sat across from him.

"Yes?..." Al said reluctantly as he turned the page.

"Really. So how often does Edward push people he's supposed to be protecting onto moving trains?"

Al noticed Ed shaking his head and hands no for some reason as he replied " No! Never! Why would Brother do something that dangerous?! They could fall."

"BECAUSE someone decided to go shopping and almost made us miss the train." Ed said as he flopped onto the seat next to Al with his arms and legs crossed. He gave an impressive scowl to the princess across from him, who returned it with an equal scowl. He then turned to the window fully intending to ignore her.

"You do know that you are very bad at your job?" Chen said a few minutes later in a very snide voice.

"I am not!" Ed growled. "You are just very bad at being watched over."

….

It was several uncomfortable hours later when Al decided he'd had enough. Ed was acting like a child and refusing to talk to Chen directly. Instead he was making Al repeat anything and everything she said as if he couldn't hear her. Meanwhile, Chen was being equally annoying. She was making increasingly rude and inappropriate comments that Al was then forced to repeat (and edit) to his embarrassment. Finally, one such comment and Al had had enough. He stood, trembling with embarrassment, and walked out of the compartment without a word.

The pair watched him leave silently, before glaring at each other and screaming at the same time "Look what you've done!"

"You just had to be crude didn't you?" Ed continued. "You upset him, he's just a kid you know."

"Well you're the one dragging him into it by acting like a tiny baby." Chen replied.

" WHO ARE YOU CALLING SO SMALL HE CAN USE A TEASPON AS A BATHTUB?!"

" YOU,YOU FREAKY LITTLE MIDGET WITH A SHORT COMPLEX! TRY EATING SOMETHING HEALTHY FOR A CHANGE AND MAYBR YOU'LL ACTUALLY GROW!" Chen yelled back.

The color drained from his face as Ed stood. " F*** you. I'm getting my brother. Don't follow me." He said quietly as he walked away.

"Well. That could have gone better." Chen said as she watched him disappear.

Ed found Al just outside the door of their car. Ed leaned on the railing for a minute as he tried to decide the best place to start.

"You aren't supposed to leave her alone." Al said instead.

"I know." Ed said scratching the back of his head. "I'm sorry for dragging you into it Al."

" Can't you try to get along with her Brother? She's really very nice."

"NICE?! What about the last hour of crap? Did you forget all the stuff she was getting you to say?!" Ed said. "Not to mention what she just said to me!"

"I'm pretty sure the whole train heard you both Brother."

Ed blushed and punched his brother lightly on the chestplate. "Come on lets get back in there before she can terrorize anyone else."

The boys didn't say anything as they walked back toward their seats, silently agreeing to never mention the last few hours again. Just as they reached their seats, four men stood up and pulled guns. Both boys raised their hands with a sigh.


	3. Chapter 3

4:35 pm

East City Headquarters

Lt. Colonel Roy Mustang's Office

Inside the office there was a form of silent expectation. There was roughly twenty five minutes until the end of the work week and everyone was watching the clock, Some more openly than others. Hawkeye and Falman were still typing away at their desks. Breda and Havoc were openly staring at the wall mounted time piece. Fuery was restacking completed paperwork in the corner of everyone's desks. Mustang was staring idly out of the window as he attempted to stay awake.

Everyone jumped slightly as Maes Hughes burst into the room. The collective groan that followed was ignored as he rushed to Mustang's desk. "Roy! I just received word that the 1:45 to Central was Hijacked."

They all looked to Mustang with concern, Fullmetal had been scheduled for that train. " Have we heard anything about a conflict with the passengers?" Mustang asked, showing no outward concern.

"Not yet." Hughes responded. "The train should arrive in Central in about three hours. I have Major Armstrong awaiting it's arrival."

"I see. Have Armstrong inform Fullmetal that I expect a full report."

Hughes nodded in agreement before leaving for the communication center. Mustang returned his attention to his desk, pulling a stack of neglected paperwork in front of him to begin signing. Slowly the room returned to normal as the others resumed their previous activities. As the clock inched half past five no one spoke.

Whenever someone ran into trouble in the field, Mustang would stay at his desk diligently filling out the intentionally neglected paperwork. Never showing concern or voicing worry. The others could see it in the stiffness of his shoulders but said nothing. Instead, they to would stay and work until they revieved word that everything was clear.

The clock slowly crept forward and the completed work grew higher. Every once in awhile Riza Hawkeye would wander around the room, collecting completed forms to give to Mustang to sign. She's place these on his desk and collect his forms to file.

"Havoc." Mustang said at six, startling Fuery and Breda by breaking the silence." It appears we were further behind than I assumed. Go collect dinner, we will be here a while yet I assume."

"Yes sir." Havoc saluted before leaving the room.

"Fuery. You appear to have caught up. Once you have eaten, you should offer your services to the communication center. I hear they could use more hands this evening." Mustang added, blatantly ignoring the stack of paperwork still in Fuery's inbox. Hawkeye removed the stack to divide among the others as Fuery agreed.

By seven every field report, expense account, budget statement, and requisition form in the office had been typed, reviewed, signed, and filed. Mustang was now working on next quarter's budget (not due for another month, and he had no intent to file), Falman was washing the already cleaned windows, Hawkeye was cleaning her gun, and Havoc was emptying the trashcans.

They had officially run out of busy work by eight, so when Fuery and Hughes burst back into the room at eight fifteen, it was to the almost comical sight of the four officers on their hands and knees washing the wainscoting.

"The train arrived, and the situation is neutralized. " Hughes began.

"The boys weren't on it!" Fuery interrupted.

"…Then were the hell are they?!" Mustang demanded.

…

Dusk was swiftly turning into nightfall as three figures slowly made their way down the train tracks headed East through a small forested area. The smallest of the trio stomped a head of the others, his long blond hair coming lose from it's braid and sticking out everywhere. His arms crossed over his chest. His black leather pants and black jacket were covered in dirt and twigs as he favored his left side with each step. Following the angry young blond, was a black haired girl in a long pink dress. One long braid hanging over her right shoulder, as the left half hung freely and full of twigs. The red coat normally wore by the boy ahead of her covered her shoulders. She to was covered in dirt and debris and was walking with a noticeable limp. Intentionally taking up the rear to watch for trouble, and help the others should they fall was a hulking suit of armor. The armor stood seven feet, and was slightly battered at this point.

The girl broke the silence as they limped along. "I still fail to see how any of this is my fault, Edward."

" Well, I'm not the one who announced to a group of thugs they were going to regret kidnapping a princess and a state alchemist." Ed growled. "Al was that you?"

"No Brother, please leave me out of this." Al said with a long suffering sigh.

"So. If it wasn't me, and it wasn't my brother, then it must have been you who announced who we were." Ed said as he stopped to point in her direction. "THEN we were THROWN from a MOVING train. In the middle of nowhere. That's how it was your fault."

"We were fine. There was only twelve of them." Chen said dismissively before she stomped a head of him.

"…Dammit! Wait up! I'm supposed to be babysitting you!" Ed yelled as he rushed to catch up with the angry girl.

Chen froze in place anger radiating off of her. " I am not a child Edward Elric. I am a princess of Xing and will be treated with the respect I deserve."

"Respect is earned not inherited!" Ed yelled back at her. "You're supposed to be on some diplomatic mission, and you've spent this entire time acting like you're on holiday."

"I am on holiday! If anyone is on a diplomatic mission it's you!" Chen said. " Let me tell you, you are failing at it."

"I am NOT a diplomate…or a babysitter!" Ed yelled.

"You NEED a babysitter. Are you even out of diapers yet?"

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING SO SMALL HE CAN DANCE ON A PINHEAD?!"

"I DIDN'T CALL YOU SHORT MORON I CALLED YOU IMMATURE! AND YOU JUST PROVED MY POINT!"

Al stepped between the pair before they could continue. "Both of you need to stop please. We have a really long walk a head of us and I don't want to listen to this the whole way there."

"Alright fine. Sorry Al." Ed said.

" I am sorry Alphonse. Chen said.

Al sighed with relief as they began walking once more. After a few minutes of silence came what he had been dreading. "I still don't see how this is all my fault."


	4. Chapter 4

Mustang's Office

10:30 pm

He had ordered his men to go home shortly after they had learned the boys had not been on the train. Mustang, however, had remained in his office to await word on their whereabouts. He hoped they had simply missed the train and were on the next one which would arrive in a few minutes. He had called the hotel himself to ensure they had indeed checked out, despite Havoc having confirmed this hours ago. Then he called the train station to confirm their tickets had been issued. Finally, he had called Major Armstrong with instructions to have Edward call him immediately when they finally arrived.

Roy had given up any pretense of working awhile ago as he glared at the phone, willing it to ring. His youngest subordinate had only passed the exam a short time ago. While Roy had complete confidence in the boy's talent, he was young, and he was new to fieldwork. Edward was naturally gifted as well as trained by some who clearly knew what they were doing. However, he was only twelve and this was only his second official mission. Roy was willing to admit to himself he was concerned for the boys and their equally young charge. He'd assigned Edward this mission with the assumption that it would be an easy and safe assignment perfect for a new recruit. He was beginning to wonder if the boy was simply a magnet for trouble.

Hawkeye walked in with a mug of coffee to interrupt his musings. "I believe I sent you home Lieutenant." Mustang said as he took a grateful sip.

"You did sir, you didn't specify for how long however." Hawkeye replied as she looked over the map of the rail line spread across his desk.

"If somehow those kids are not on a later train we need to figure out what happened to them. I'm still convinced we'll receive word they arrived on a later train."

Hawkeye nodded, not believing for a minute her superior was unconcerned. He worried whenever he sent any of them out in the field and they were all a lot older and more experienced. The phone rang before either of them could continue, and Mustang snatched it before it could ring a second time. The conversation was brief and one sided, but he was clearly upset as he slammed the phone back into the cradle.

"Edward Elric and Chen Li's luggage was discovered aboard. Interviews with passengers has revealed three people were forced off of the train."

"Where sir? There's no record of it stopping before Central?"

"It didn't stop. They were thrown from a moving train"

Hawkeye allowed herself a small gasp before leaving to call back in the rest of the team. Mustang began marking out the most likely area to begin searching for the missing and possibly injured children.

…

Chen laid sprawled across the grass dramatically as she groaned loudly. Edward continued to ignore her as he finally removed his black jacket to check the damage to his arm. They had made camp a short walk from the tracks. Al had started a fire and was now off setting snares in an attempt to feed the others. Ed had created a stone lean to, which is when he noticed his arm wasn't working as smoothly as it should.

He had waited until he had a stone bowl of gathered plants over the fire before he further inspected the damage. There was a large dent in the panel of the forearm, and several screws were loose. Something had to wrong with the wiring as well he knew because he couldn't bend his fourth and fifth fingers. Ed didn't know enough about how his arm to attempt any repairs. With a sigh he removed the lining of his black jacket to create a bandage. He wrapped it tightly around the damaged arm to prevent further loss of pieces.

Chen groaned again, louder than before. Ed still ignored her, so she said. "Food. I need food. I'm starving, we haven't eaten since breakfast… I'm going to die I'm that hungry."

"It's only been a few hours. It takes longer than this to starve to death." Ed said impatiently, he was starving too. " Besides, the soup will be ready in a few minutes and with any luck the traps will work by morning."

"Are you sure this stuff is edible?" Chen asked as she finally sat up and stirred the pot with a spoon Ed had also made.

"Yes." Ed said with a sigh. "And if it hadn't been I could transmute it into something edible."

"Really? You can make food out of nothing? How?"

" I can NOT make food out of nothing. No one can make anything out of thin air. I CAN transmute the materials we gather into food as long as they are similar. For example, you can turn grass into bread."

"That's wonderful!" Chen said pulling a fistful of grass up to hold out to him. "Can you teach me?"

"No, it takes years to learn." Ed said in a kind tone. He felt bad to turn down the girl, or anyone, who wanted to learn.

Chen collapsed onto the grass again with a dramatic groan. A moment later she held up the grass in her hand without looking at him. "Can you show me at least?"

"Sure." Ed said as he took the grass from her. Since he was trying not to use his arm as much as possible, he drew the needed circle in the dirt before placing the grass in it as Chen sat back up to watch. She began excitedly pelting Ed with questions again. As they grew more and more outrageous Ed finally stopped her to ask where she had come up with her ideas on Alchemy.

She listed the name of a popular book series that he had heard of when he was younger. He laughed at this before telling her that nothing in those books was accurate. They weren't written by an alchemist, and the author just threw whatever he wanted into them to make it entertaining. Not that his craft wasn't exciting and impressive.

"It is impressive, at least what I've seen so far." Chen said as she moved to sit closer to him in her excitement. "What about the Philosopher's Stone? That's real right?"

Ed subtly moved away slightly form the girl, uncomfortable with her proximity. "I hope so."

"Oh. So you don't know?" she asked, downcast.

"I'm sure it's real." Ed said. "It better be." He added under his breath.

"So. Is it food yet?"


	5. Chapter 5

"I'm not eating that!" Chen declared loudly.

Ed looked down confused at the rabbit clutched in his hand. "Why not? I've seen you eat meat before."

"I do eat meat. Faceless, furless, cooked meat."

"It will be faceless, furless, cooked meat when we eat it." Ed then sighed, remembering his own first encounters with hunting on the island. "Why don't you go help Al gather some more wood and it will be food by the time you get back."

Al stepped forward to guide the still disgusted princess away, while Ed got to work cleaning the rabbit. As he attempted the task with one hand, he decided it would have been faster had he an Al traded places. They were already out of view though, so he reluctantly used both hands fearful of the loss of screws.

….

8:30 am

Mustang's Office

Mustang and Hughes had calculated a search grid based on the train's timetable, witness accounts, and guesswork. The guesswork left both men less than pleased. It also left a rather large grid, as witnesses were not a reliable source for the timetable. Once the two men had agreed on a plan, they called in Mustang's team to go over it.

They both agreed it was not in the best interest of either Edward (and Mustang) or Armestris if word were to get out that they had misplaced an important political representative entrusted into their care. Therefore, they were only including Team Mustang at this time. Armstrong had agreed to stay silent on the matter.

Officially, they were going on a training exercise. Mustang (Hawkeye) had filed all of the appropriate paperwork to leave Lt. Col Hughes in charge of Mustang's office for the next week as well as claiming an itinerary for the training. Mustang had decided he would be joining his men in the search, and no one had debated him on it.

"As far as we know, Fullmetal was forced from the train between fifteen and twenty minutes after the hostage situation began. We know that they should have been halfway through the trip at this point. Logically, Fullmetal is likely to lead them back this direction. There is a slight chance, given Edward's temper, that they went West after the train." Mustang said as he traced the train route on the map for his men. "It is doubtful they went West, however, as they would have reached the town Hamlet by now."

"Unless one or more of them was injured, slowing their progress." Hawkeye added quietly.

Mustang nodded an acknowledgement of this possibility. " Nevertheless. We will ride out as far as Hamlet, then begin the search assuming they went East. We leave in thirty minutes."

….

"You are the most annoying person I have ever met." Edward said as they walked down the tracks once again. " I bet you are the most annoying person in your entire country."

"That's because you haven't met my siblings." Chen said with a shrug. "I'm the nice one."

Ed froze in horror, causing Chen to run into him in surprise. "Wait. There are MORE of you?! WHY?!"

" Not everyone thinks I'm annoying Edward." Chen said. "A lot of people think I'm adorable."

"Yeah. Adorable like an angry badger." Ed muttered, unfortunately just loud enough for Chen to hear.

" Yeah, well at least I'm not a pipsqueak."

Al sighed. They had gotten along well enough at camp, but as soon as they started out the two had once again began to fight. He was fairly certain at this point the pair were fighting simply to pass the time. He tuned out their fight as they threw insults back and forth in increasing volume. He silently stepped between them once they escalated to shoving each other. "There's a train coming, we need to move" he said in a very tired voice.

They walked down the slope and waited for the train to pass, only ending the argument when it became to hard to hear each other over the sound from the tracks. Al felt it confirmed his theory as they continued on down the tracks argument completely forgotten. After awhile he relaxed and hoped they were done for the day.

The three continued in silence until they reached a bridge. Ed froze, thinking. There shouldn't be another train for about thirty minutes. However, if his calculations were off or the train was ahead of schedule… there wasn't a way off the tracks if they were on the bridge. He watched the slow moving river below them. He could attempt to freeze it over, but if the ice were to crack they'd be in trouble too. He couldn't risk Al getting wet. He crouched as he made his calculations while listening for the distant rumble of the train.

There was a slightly safer option. They could wait for the next train to pass then cross as soon as the track was clear. The trains had been passing them roughly once an hour all day, so he assumed this to be the travel pattern and that it would give them enough time to clear the bridge, and then some. Sadly, he had never paid much attention to train schedules beyond his own use. Even when he was younger back at home it was not something that he paid attention to, so it was a rough calculation. Decided on a course of action, he nodded to himself before turning to the others.

"Alright guys, I think it's time for a small break."

"Yes. Finally ." Chen said and walked toward a nearby tree to sit down.

It was warmer today, so she had returned Ed's coat awhile ago. Now sitting close to the water with a slight breeze, she began to shiver. Ed watched her for a moment before nodding to himself. He shrugged off the coat and wordlessly dropped it on her before collapsing next to her. As much as he hated parting with his beloved coat again, he couldn't let her freeze.

Al was thankful they seemed to have decided to stop fighting, at least for now. He was sure if he had a head, he'd have developed a headache from the constant squabbling. Chen murmured a thank you from the depths of the coat, to Ed's silent nod. He was still calculating. The silence stretched as the three sat side by side and started at the river.

"If we can keep up our current pace, we still won't reach East City until about midweek." Ed said, thinking out loud.

"We only walked about three hours yesterday Brother." Al said as he stood, intent on finding the others something to eat. " You were both moving slower yesterday, and we've already covered five hours today at a much faster pace."

"I know Al. I don't want to push the princess to hard either." Ed said as he continued to think over how much further he should risk pushing them today.

"I AM NOT WEAK!" Chen said as she jumped to her feet dropping his coat in the dirt." I AM A PRINCESS OF XING! I HAVE BEEN TRAINED SINCE BIRTH TO ENDURE ANYTHING AND I CAN WALK JUST AS FAR AS YOU."

"I didn't say you were weak, or that you couldn't do it." Ed said raising his hands in defense. "I meant I didn't want to push you to hard. You were thrown from a moving train yesterday and we have no idea if you're injured somewhere."

"I am perfectly fine. I do not even have a small limp like some boys around here."

Al sighed as Ed's face turned red at the word small. "WHO ARE YOU CALLING A TINY LITTLE MICROBE SO SMALL HE CAN DROWN IN A RAINDROP?!"


	6. Chapter 6

They had left the forest behind an hour past the bridge. The three trudged along through a grassland next to the tracks. Al was a bit fed up with the others antics and was now leading the group. He was doing his best to ignore them. Ed and Chen, while quiet at the moment, were both pouting.

After eating the berries and mushrooms Al had gathered during their argument they had settled down. They were both feeling hungry again now though, as that was three hours ago. This was not improving their moods. Al had demanded after their last argument, one involving the logic of wearing a dress while traveling through the forest, that they remain quiet. To make matters worse they had yet to spot a good place to stop for the night.

"So. Does anybody actually live in this country?" Chen finally said in an irritated tone.

"Millions of people live here." Ed replied equally irritated.

"Then where are they?" Chen said. "We haven't seen anybody since the train. Why isn't anybody looking for us?"

"They probably are. It's a big country." Ed shrugged.

"It's not that big."

"I'm sure Colonel Mustang is looking for us, but they won't know exactly where we were forcibly deboarded so it could take a few days to track our movements." Al interrupted, certain that Chen had been about to take the conversation to BAD PLACES. Places involving the word small. He hoped to avoid yet another fight.

"Should we be moving then? What if we miss them because we're walking away from them?" Chen asked.

" Nah. We can't just stop here. It's no good for waiting for rescue there aren't enough resources. It would probably take longer than just walking anyway." Ed said. In all honesty, he hadn't considered anyone coming in search of them when he'd started leading the others along the tracks. He hadn't considered the possibility at all until Chen asked.

"We could go back to that river and wait there." Chen suggested.

"… We are committed to this direction." Ed said.

….

Three Days West of East City

(On foot)

Late morning

Colonel Roy Mustang and his team had located the camp the children had made the night before, though they had clearly left hours ago. Roy was certain the camp belonged to the boys, confirming his theory they were headed east. "Alright men, clearly the theory Fullmetal is leading the others back to East City is correct. They have about a seven hour lead on us if they broke camp shortly after dawn. Assuming they will make camp again tonight we should be able to catch up with them tomorrow if we travel through the night."

With no objections, not that Mustang would have accepted objections at this point, they returned to the tracks and continued on their way. They had ridden the train as far as Hamlet as planned, then briefly searched the town in hopes of finding the children before they began the track back toward the city. Falman had reported his belief that he had spotted a flash of light that possibly came off of Alphonse's helmet near a river not far from here. That combined with the campsite motivated Mustang's belief that they weren't that far behind the children.

He wanted to find them before they reached East City or got themselves into trouble. He just hoped they were all in good condition when they found them. It was entirely possible that Edward at least would just keep walking no matter his injuries. The boy was sometimes to stubborn for his own good. Part of Mustang was annoyed they hadn't just stayed at this campsite and awaited rescue. Perhaps they had stayed near that river Falman had noticed. Hopefully the boys had simply wanted a water source to wait near.

The other problem that he knew they were going to encounter would be getting them home once they were found. Unless there was a town or at least a road nearby, they would have to simply continue walking with the children until they either ran into a smaller community or the city. Another reason, among many concerns for their health, that Mustang hoped they were still near the river. They could then double back to Hamlet and get back on the train, provided the princess was willing to trust their trains after all of this.

All in all this rescue mission felt like a failure before they could manage to find the children, and he was certain it would get worse before it got better. At least he shouldn't be swamped with paperwork as soon as they got back. Aside from whatever this little adventure drummed up. Mustang forcibly pushed aside all thoughts of paperwork and returned his attention to their search there would be time enough to dread paperwork later.

"We will find them, sir." Hawkeye said as she fell into step beside him.

"I know. Those are the most resourceful children I have ever met. Don't tell them I said that."

"I won't sir." Hawkeye nodded. "You should give the men a short break. You haven't slept since your nap yesterday."

"…I didn't take a nap yesterday." Mustang said after a moment.

"Of course, you did. You nap every day just after the weekly personal reports arrive, before you sign off on the weekly budget." Hawkeye said. "We are all well aware of your napping habits."

"I don't nap."

"Of course, sir."

Mustang frowned but said nothing more as he considered allowing a short break when they reached the river. As it was, they were far enough behind that it would be near dusk when they arrived.

….

They had arrived at another river, with a fairly decent sized grove of trees. Though Ed had originally intended to have them walk at least another hour he was concerned they wouldn't find a better shelter for the night. Plains sat behind them and in front of them. He wasn't certain when they would come across another river.

Ed and Al set about making camp, Al started a fire while Ed constructed another lean to by pulling stone directly from the ground with a clap of his hands. Al then went to set snares with a glare that told the others not to fight OR ELSE.

Ed rolled his eyes at his brother with a huff, crossing his arms over his chest. Al took that as an agreement to behave. Without a word, Ed walked over to the river to fill the waterskins and bucket he had created. Chen sat under a tree watching the boys as they worked. Ed returned from the river and dumped the water into a stone bowl to boil.

"Teach me." Chen said.

"What?"

"Teach me. Please."

"I already told you it would take to long."

"No, not alchemy, though I still want to learn that too. Teach me all this." Chen said as she waived her hand around camp. "I want to help."

Ed stared at her silently, trying to decide if she was serious and where to begin. With a sad sigh she stood. "Never mind then." Chen said quietly with a crestfallen expression.

"No wait!" Ed said quickly." I was just trying to decide the best place to start, you know? I'm going to show you please don't cry. I have no problem showing you how to camp, this is stuff you might need to know one day."

"Yeah, like if I were to somehow fall off a train in the middle of nowhere." Chen said with a completely innocent tone that raked Ed's nerves.

"Really? Okay never mind. C'mon let's start by how to gather wood." Ed grabbed her hand and dragged her away from the fire before she could say anything else.

By the time Al returned they had gathered enough wood to make it through the night, and had gathered a bowlful of wild berries and mushrooms. Al stared at the two of them, as they sat quietly side by side as Ed showed her how to tie a fishing line. Al wondered if he should just back away before his presence broke whatever treaty the two had managed to make. Ed spotted him however and waived him over.

"Hey Al! I'm about to show Chen how to catch some fish, wanna come?" Ed said happily.

Al nodded as he continued to wonder what had happened while he was gone. He then remembered how the pair had gotten along the night before, and filed this as further proof their fights were to pass the time.

…

Bridge location

Early Evening

Two and a half day west of East City (on foot)

They had reached the point were Falman believed he had glimpsed Alphonse roughly six hours after finding the campsite. They had been walking slowly in search of clues, or the children themselves. This was frustrating to Mustang. Though he had given the order, he couldn't help but feel the speed they were searching was allowing the children to get further and further ahead of them as they wasted time searching for clues.

The boys were clearly on the way East. Unless they found one of them collapsed or signs of a fight (both events he hoped they did NOT find) then it was unlikely to see anything of importance. Mustang had long ago learned to hide his frustration and concern behind a professional mask. One he knew Hawkeye could see through as easily as a window.

"Sir. The men need a break." Hawkeye said as Mustang looked over the river for signs the kids had been there. Mustang frowned as he looked over to his men. Havoc and Falman showed no sign of slowing down, but Breda was red faced and Fuery looked about to fall over.

"Very well. Rest. Get something to eat. You have half an hour." Mustang said. Hawkeye quickly and quietly insisted he sit and eat himself. Mustang scowled, but agreed to eat. He wanted to keep moving but didn't want to push his men to far. After all, all evidence they had found suggested Fullmetal and Chen Li were perfectly fine, aside from being stranded


	7. Chapter 7

The sun had not yet crested the horizon when Ed gently shook Chen's shoulder to wake her. She grumbled under her breath as she sat up, rubbing her eyes. She had once again come into possession of his red coat which she had used as a blanket. Her hair had finally fallen the rest of the way out of its braid at some point in the night. It now sat in a snarled mess around her face and shoulders, which she attempted to push away before standing slowly.

Edward, who wasn't in any better shape, his own clothes torn and hair pulled back in a sloppy attempt at a ponytail, grabbed up his coat when she left it behind. "Why are we up so early?" Chen grumbled.

"We gotta check the traps." Ed said. He was not a morning person himself. His brain was still trapped in a fog of half sleep as he led the way into the trees.

Luckily, the first of Al's four traps held a rather fat rabbit. Edward approached it with care. Though this poor thing was bound to be his breakfast, he did not want it to suffer needlessly. He paused in his fog-filled tired state, vaguely remembering some of the things he had read earlier this week. "Are you sure about being here for this part? It's okay if you want to go back to camp."

"No. I said I wanted to learn. It may not be pleasant but I need to know it."

" Just to warn you. It may scream…or something." Edward said.

"Something?"

"I don't know. Ask for help or something."

"RABBITS TALK TO YOU?! "Chen asked, horrified. " HOW CAN YOU EAT THEM IF YOU HEAR THEM?!"

"WHAT, NO" Ed said, still confused himself. "I just meant it freaked you out yesterday and I remember reading that some princesses can talk to animals and…"

Chen stared at him as he trailed off, having said it out loud he realized the only reason the thought had come to him had to be from his own exhaustion. It was a really stupid idea. "You it in a children's book didn't you?"

"Three actually." Ed mumbled as his face reddened.

"I don't talk to animals Ed, those stories are made up." Ed recognized his own words thrown back at him, as his blush grew. He shrugged it off as a momentary lapse in cognitive thought and continued the lesson.

…

They had finished breakfast peacefully before the next fight began. This time over what they should do next. Ed wanted to move on, Chen wanted to go back. "Well, your friends are maybe a day behind us. We should turn around and meet them." Chen insisted.

"No, that is just a waste of time. We keep going and we'll be there in no time." Ed countered. "And they aren't my friends! They're my co-workers."

"We could just stay here and wait." Al suggested quietly.

"Shut up Al" "SHUT UP ALPHONSE"

"HEY, DON'T TALK TO MY BROTHER LIKE THAT!"

"YOU YELL AT HIM ALL THE TIME!"

"I DO NOT!"

Al watched the fight for another moment before he walked away. Neither noticing his absence.

"Well. You keep making all these choices like you know all the answers without considering anyone else's opinion." Chen said.

"You got us in this mess. You don't get an opinion." Ed said stubbornly.

"HOW LONG ARE YOU GOING TO USE THAT?!"

"UNTIL IT IS NO LONGER VALID!"

"YOUR BRAIN ISALMOST AS TINY AS YOUR BODY!"

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING SO TINY HE COULD RIDE ON THE BACK OF AN ANT?! I'M NOT SMALL!" Edward screamed while stamping his feet and waiving his arms in a tantrum.

" YES YOU ARE EDWARD ELRIC! EMBRACE IT!"

"YOU EMBRACE IT!"

"…That didn't make any sense." Chen said.

"Yes it did." Ed said, no longer flailing as he belatedly remembered his broken arm. " you're just to stupid to see it."

"Whatever." Chen said as she walked out of camp. "I'm going back."

Edward watched her walk away in the direction they had come. He would never admit it, but he considered not following her. Sure it would involve a lot of paperwork, but he'd learned how to avoid THAT from the master… he'd also taught her how to feed herself, and help would arrive soon. Maybe. Hopefully. "Dammit, Wait up! I'm your babysitter!"

"BODYGUARD!" Chen screamed through the trees.

"WHICHEVER" Neither noticed that Al was not in camp, or that he was not following them now.

…

Grasslands

East of River

Morning

Two days west of East City (on foot)

Mustang was livid. He had drifted off as he ate his dinner, and instead of waking him the others had taken it upon themselves to sleep in shifts and allow him to rest. He had woken with the sun, and Hawkeye had managed to calm him down to a simmering state he currently resided in with a few well placed words regarding his own effectiveness without sleep.

They were now walking at the same snail's pace as yesterday which was not improving his mood in the slightest. As far as he was concerned all of his men betrayed his trust, and if anything were to happen to those boys (and the princess) he was holding them personally responsible. "Don't worry so much sir. Those boys know what they're doing." Hawkeye attempted to soothe him.

Mustang glared but said nothing, not wanting to be calmed. " Yeah, Ed's told me tons of stories about his training. If they can survive that, they can survive walking across this." Havoc added. "Even if a lot of it sounds made up."

"What stories has Fullmetal been telling you?" Mustang asked sharply. He hoped they were sticking to the cover story he'd created for them regarding their injuries.

"Mostly some crazy stuff about his teacher." Breda said from further down the line. " Like leaving them on an island for a month with nothing but a knife. Throwing cleavers at their heads. Stuff like that. Crazy. I'm pretty sure he's exaggerating…but I still don't want to meet that lady."

Mustang relaxed slightly. Edward would be careful of what he said if for no other reason than to protect his brother. He also knew if the boy ever did slip, the team could be trusted not to say anything outside of their group. As far as the issue with the teacher went, unlike the rest of them, he believed Edward's stories about training. While his own teacher hadn't dumped him out in the middle of nowhere, he had his own methods and they were not pleasant. Alchemy training never was.

"Never doubt an alchemist about their training horror stories." Mustang said. "It isn't an easy process"

"Wait. Are you saying it's true?" Fuery asked. "His teacher really tried to kill him?"

"No. If his teacher wanted to kill him he'd be dead. I have no doubt however that she threw knives and left them alone and any number of other methods. Nothing he has said about his training is unheard of."

"…No wonder there aren't more of you." Breda said. " Who would sign their kid up for that?"

"It DOES have reasons. The training is extensive. The reason there isn't 'More of us' is that most people are not intelligent or disciplined enough to handle anything higher than basic transmutations… at best."

No one spoke again as he lead the way. His tone alone told them the subject was closed, and he was not in a forgiving mood. The sooner they found the kids, the better off they would be. Mustang's concern was beginning to outwardly show.


	8. Chapter 8

"Wait a minute! You can fight?" Ed said to Chen as he knocked over three men with the staff he had just pulled from the ground.

"Yes well at least YOU can fight and aren't completely useless like my last couple of bodyguards." Chen replied as she slammed two heads together before catching the staff Ed threw to her and knocking over another two.

"Hey I'm not useless!" Ed said as he pulled another staff from the ground and rushed another man.

"That's what I just said." Chen replied, hitting her next opponent in the stomach with the blunt end before kneeing him in the forehead when he bent over. "Behind you.'

Without looking, Edward punched the man in the face with his metal fist. "Thanks. I'll have you know I've been training since I was a child."

"SO last week then?" Chen said as she knocked out a final man.

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING SO SMALL HE SITS AT THE KIDS TABLE?!"

"… Not your best one. Was that all of them?"

"Looks like it."

They had been attacked halfway across the field by men who had jumped off a passing train. Ed guessed they must be with the group that had attacked the train they had been thrown from earlier this week. Chen had still been lecturing him loudly at the time, so any chance of pretending to be anyone else was lost.

Now that the fight was over there was still the matter of their own argument. Ed decided the simplest solution was to just grab Chen's hand and drag her back to his brother. After all, she may be… of equivalent height, but he outweighed her. Chen, for her part, went limp shortly after they could no longer see the cage he had trapped their attackers in. Ed stubbornly continued on, now dragging the girl behind him. She seemed to get heavier by the minute though she wasn't protesting or showing any resistance.

Chen continued on in this manner for nearly an hour, however her shoulder was beginning to hurt and Ed showed no sign of relenting. They were nearing the tree line when she decided that she had no desire to be drug over exposed roots. "Alright. You win! Let me go and I'll walk."

"Fine. No funny business." Ed said with relief as he let her go. He was tired of dragging her anyway.

Chen glared at him as she stood and rubbed her shoulder and wrist. "You're a jerk."

"C'mon. We gotta go find Al." Ed said as he turned away.

"No." Chen said as she took off running toward the field again.

"Dammit." Ed said with a groan. He didn't have time for this. He needed to find his brother. He sighed as he ran after her, catching up in just a few steps. He intentionally bowled into her, knocking them both off of their feet.

They rolled together down the hill, before landing at the bottom with Ed on top. He effectively pinned her legs by sitting on them, as she tried to push him off, so he pinned her arms as well. "Stop being a brat! We need to find my brother." Ed demanded with a frown, completely annoyed now.

"Get off! Don't you know it's rude to tackle a girl?"

"No it's not. That's just stupid."

"Do you even know any girls?"

"Yes. My best friend is a girl. I've tackled her tons of times and she never complained because she's a girl. That's just dumb."

"You're dumb." They both heard the clanging of Al's armor as he ran up to them.

"Brother! You can't just pull a princess around like that! It's rude!"

"She's being terrible Al!" Ed whined. " She was MAKING me drag her!"

"FULLMETAL! GET OFF THE PRINCESS AT ONCE!" Mustang yelled closing the distance. "What has come over you? That is no way to treat a foreign dignitary."

Ed grumbled as he stood up. Chen followed him to her feet, brushing off her filthy clothes. "You try dealing with her for a week Mustang." He said. "You'd probably catch her on fire. All I did was knock her down before she could get us in more trouble."

"You can't just force people to listen to you Brother." Al said with a sigh. "You could have really hurt her. She's a girl."

Chen had been annoyed at being pinned, but it was hardly her first scuffle with someone her own age. Already, she was finding parts of it rather funny, especially when the others arrived. "It's alright Alphonse, he didn't hurt me."

"Are you sure Chen? That tackle was pretty hard." Al asked, still concerned.

"Yeah. An hour ago she helped me take out twenty guys." Ed said dismissively. "Which wouldn't have happened if she ever freaking listened."

Chen stuck out her tongue at Ed who crossed his arms with a scowl. "You need to act your age Fullmetal." Mustang interjected.

"Sir, he's twelve." Said Fuery. Breda and Havoc had remained at the cage to await transport. Falman had followed a small dirt road that Ed had missed to the next town to call for backup. Fuery, and Hawkeye had continued on with Mustang. Al had lead them all back to camp during this exchange.

"He must act his rank then." Mustang said dismissively.

"Well, since when is babysitting in the job description of Major, Colonel? I didn't see that in the paperwork." Ed said with a frown.

"Fullmetal-" Mustang began but was interrupted when a screaming blur of pink and black rushed past him to tackle Edward from behind. Ed landed face down in the soft moss they had slept on the night before. His arms and legs were splayed around him as Chen landed on his back.

Ed managed to turn his head to look at the shocked expressions of his team. "Hey, I thought you said girls don't tackle?"

"No I said it was rude to tackle girls and you are NOT my babysitter!" Chen said.

"They only stop fighting for food and alchemy." AL said from the sidelines to Fuery. He sighed as he pulled a kicking and screaming Chen from the heap that was his brother with a forced calm.

"I ordered you to be polite Fullmetal." Mustang said as he pinched the bridge of his nose.

"I lent her my coat when she was cold. I kept her fed and took her shopping, and taught her how to camp. I WAS polite." Ed said as he rolled to his feet.

Mustang glared at Ed, as he tried to decide if the boy honestly thought his behavior had been acceptable. They had all been sitting at the kids' campsite for the last ten minutes while everyone rested and watched Ed rant.

Hawkeye and Chen had sat a bit away from Mustang and Ed. From the half formed snippets Roy overheard while Ed was taking a breath, he assumed Riza was dealing with a ranting teen of her own. Fuery was about to head back to Breda and Havoc to inform them they had found the children, Al had been sitting with the smaller man, and now had decided to just follow him back down the path.

Roy watched Fuery escape the angry children longingly, before he realized Ed had started complaining again." – and she doesn't follow orders worth a damn." Ed finished, before taking another breath. As he pointed wildly in Chen's direction. The final screw came out of the plate on his arm, and fell to the ground along with the plate when he lowered it.

"I understand." Mustang said dryly, as Ed stared down at the battered piece of metal now laying on the ground next to his foot. "After all, I gave someone- you- a simple assignment which someone -again you- managed to turn into a rescue mission and possibly an international incident."

"Oh. No." Ed said quietly.

"I am confident we will find a way to avoid this becoming a larger problem Fullmetal." Mustang relented as he reminded himself this CHILD was still new and had just gone through a major ordeal.

"Not that. THAT." Ed said as he pointed down at the missing piece. " Oh. No. Oh no no no. WInry's going to kill me! She just made me promise to be careful and what happens? I break my arm CAMPING. SHE'S GOING TO KILL ME! Where are the screws. We have to find them. I have to at least bring her all the pieces. Everyone! Help look for screws!"

Ed dropped to the ground in search of the missing pieces, to everyone else's confusion. Ed was frantically running his hand over the ground as he continued to mutter under his breath. Mustang sighed and decided to help the boy look. Hawkeye soon joined them as Chen asked what was wrong. "You decided to pick a fight with some idiots, got us thrown from a moving train, and cracked my automail! THEN you ran off, got us in another fight, and forced me to drag you back here breaking it the rest of the way. Now I'm going to die because you're a brat!"

"I don't see how any of this is my fault!" Chen said crossing her arms as Hawkeye wordlessly handed Edward a handful of screws. Followed by Mustang presenting his own handful. Ed quickly counted them, before realizing that he was still three pieces short.


	9. Chapter 9

After a while longer searching the campsite Ed said with a groan. "I'm going to have to retrace my steps."

" That is for the best. We were to meet up with the others if we found you before transport arrived." Hawkeye said, as she stood and brushed off her knees and hands, which were lightly dusted with dirt. With that they all made their way slowly out of camp as they carefully watched the ground for missing screws.

Chen was the first to find one, at the bottom of the small hill they had rolled down after he had tackled her. She held the tiny screw up triumphantly and rushed back to the others. "I assumed if one had fallen out around here, it would have been while you were rolling Edward."

"Thanks." Ed said as he carefully took the missing piece. He still blamed the girl for the whole situation, but didn't want to be lectured further at the moment. "The other two are probably near where we were attacked. Keep an eye out though. I HAVE to find them all. She'll be much more angry if some are actually missing."

Chen rolled her eyes fully believing Ed was being melodramatic. He glared at her in return, but was interrupted from further argument by Mustang ordering them to move on. "I'm sending you the repair bill." Ed shot behind him before he rushed to catch up with Mustang. "Just so you know."

"Fullmetal. Stop arguing with the princess. It reflects badly on the entire team." Mustang said as Ed reached his side.

"You have no idea how terrible she is or you would be on my side. "Ed said in return as he frowned and continued to watch the ground for more screws.

"Fullmetal… Edward… there are going to be times in this career where you will be forced to deal with difficult people." Mustang said with a sigh. "Just. Try not to become one of them."

" I AM NOT DIFFICULT!" Ed yelled, insulted.

"Calm down, that isn't what I said. "Mustang said with a frown.

"NO!" Ed yelled, voice cracking. " No. I won't calm down. In the last week I've been thrown from a moving train, I've had to walk miles in the middle of nowhere while every step filled with pain. I've had to make do with what I had with me and what I could manage to scavenge. Deal with the most annoying hotel staff on the planet. DRUG TO AN UNDERWEAR STORE. Fought a bunch of idiots while again still hurting. WHILE SHE COMPLAINED THE WHOLE TIME. I'm exhausted, hungry, and sore. AND I'm going to get beaten by my mechanic so don't tell me to calm down! When was the last time you were thrown from a train?!"

"I can see why that would be difficult." Mustang said attempting to keep a straight face.

"You're making fun of me, but that's just because you don't know the whole story."

"Put it in your report…and calm down."

"Stop blaming everything on me Edward Elric!" Chen said from a bit further away as she and Hawkeye continued to search the ground. " None of it was my fault!"

"IT WAS ALL YOUR FAULT YOU SPOILED SELF ABSORBED BRAT!"

"How is this my fault?" Chen said as she marched up to Ed and poked him in the chest.

"You got us thrown from a damn train." Ed said as he moved away from her.

"Language, Fullmetal." Mustang interrupted. "You have a lot to learn, Edward. Don't argue with women, you'll never win."

"Shut it Mustang. I refuse to lose this argument BECAUSE I AM RIGHT." Edward yelled.

"When are you going to let the spat on the train go?" Chen said.

"UGH!" Edward threw his arms in the air, giving up on the idea of reasoning with Chen.

"As I told you," Mustang said with a smirk. "They're always right. Just let them think they won, then do it your way."

"What was that?" Hawkeye said from behind Chen.

"Nothing." Mustang said quickly.

…

They had arrived back where the prisoners were caged, and Ed was still one screw short. Understandably, this upset his, as was evidenced by his pacing and muttering under his breath. Havoc had made the mistake of suggesting Ed simply buy a replacement screw when they returned to the city.

Ed's muttering grew worse, and the dark looks he was directing to Havoc and Chen were far from comforting. Havoc was uncomfortable with the young alchemist's glares. After all, technically, Edward outranked him and could make his like miserable. Chen was unaffected by the glare. They would soon part ways and it was unlikely they would ever meet again. She'd had far worse threats than moody teenage glares directed at her, so she simply ignored him.

Mustang too was ignoring Ed's mumbling. He assumed it to be an improvement over the screaming. At least he wasn't drawing attention to them like this. "It's just a screw. It is no big deal." Chen said.

" No big deal?! Winry's going to kill me for this!" Ed yelled.

"Who? Why would she kill you for this? It's not like you planned to fall off a train."

"We DIDN'T fall off a train, we were pushed. Which only happened because some people don't know when to shut up. Now I'm going to die because my arm is messed up again already."

"Well, if it's an 'again already' situation you can hardly blame me." Chen said snidely." Clearly you are either careless or keep poor company. Or it's substandard work to begin with."

"It's the best there is! I'm certainly keeping poor company now." Ed said angrily. "AND I'M SENDING YOU THE REPAIR BILL!"

"Send it to my father. He will get to it eventually." Chen said still unconcerned.

"How much will it cost to repair?" Havoc asked curiously.

"With all the pieces found, provided nothing else falls off, if Winry gives me the usual discount…plus rush order and travel charges and I don't rush or annoy her…" Edward trailed off as he muttered calculations under his breath for several minutes before quoting a sum equal to the rent on a standard East City apartment. His coworkers all seemed shocked at the amount, Havoc and Breda's eyes widened and Fuery paled. Mustang was already well aware of the cost as was Hawkeye , having signed off on his repairs once before.

"Well no wonder you're always hungry!" Havoc said. "Have you even paid off your first set yet?"

"I'm not broke, I'm growing." Ed said indignantly. "It was paid for before I even recovered, and I make a good salary."

"Plus if he damages it on a mission he's reimbursed." Mustang added.

" Shh, I was going to make the princess pay for it this time." Ed stage whispered.

"We will be forwarding your expense report to Xing so she'll be paying either way." Mustang said. "However, you will have to send for your mechanic. You don't have any accumulated leave left after your last one."

Edward shrugged, as he had already planned to send for Winry instead of going to her. Then he thought about it for a minute and couldn't think of when he could have possibly used up any leave. " Wait a minute. I've never taken leave how can I be out?"

"Yes you did, when you disappeared to take care of whatever you needed to do before your first mission." Mustang said. "I had to mark it down as something."

"Fine, I'll call her when we get home." Ed said with a shrug still not very concerned about the leave time issue since it wasn't like he was planning a vacation anytime soon.

…

Transport arrived from a nearby town named Kirkwood that was not on the railway an hour later. Breda, Falman, Havoc, and Fuery rode on the truck with the prisoners to avoid any attempts of escape while Mustang and Hawkeye rode in the car with Edward, Chen and Alphonse. They drove away from the tracks for roughly ten minutes before turning onto a dirt road.

They would reach Hamlet following this road in about two hours and from there take a train back to East City. Ed was annoyed to learn they had been so close to Hamlet, and had been walking away from it. Chen's smug expression wasn't helping matters either. Neither was Mustang's assurance that he had assumed the boys would head toward East City rather than Hamlet.

Truthfully, Edward had never taken this particular route before, and hadn't known they were close to town. He wasn't about to admit to that though, so he allowed Mustang's assumption that Ed's chosen route was based on his stubbornness be the official reasoning. This wasn't enough to curb Chen however. " We could have been back in the city already if you had listened to me."

"Now you're an expert of Armetirian geography?" Edward growled back. "Assuming your navigating skills are as terrible as your diplomacy we still would have been lost for weeks if you'd led us."

"Clearly yours is worse." Chen said in return as Al sighed.

"I wasn't lost, I was headed back to East City. We had no idea what was going on with the train system so we couldn't be certain it would be safe to board another train." Ed said. This was now his official excuse for not heading to Hamlet. "If it had just been me and Al I might have risked it, but not when I was supposed to be keeping your big mouth safe."

"Whatever you have to tell yourself to ensure your ego doesn't shrink with the rest of you." Chen smirked.

Al sighed and held Ed down. "…WHO ARE YOU CALLING SO SMALL HE COULD RIDE ON A DUST MOTE? I'M NOT SMALL!"

"Oh, I'm sorry. I think I heard a mouse squeaking or something." Chen said as she pretended to look around.

"No." Al said tiredly. "Do NOT drag me into this again. I'm not passing messages back and forth this time.

"Behave Fullmetal." Mustang added in a tired tone. Edward shot him an affronted look. No one understood how truly annoying this girl was, they were all tricked by her evil adorableness luckily after many years of dealing with Al's he was immune.


	10. Chapter 10

Hamlet

9am

Al had called Winry when they reached the train station. Ed had listened into Al's side of the conversation but said nothing until they had boarded the train east. He had managed to talk his brother into making the call by explaining that if he had called himself the lecture would make them miss the train, though truthfully he didn't want to be yelled at over the damage.

Ed watched the landscape slip by as he fiddled with the screws they had found. Next to him Al silently read a book. Across from Al, Kain Fuery watched out the window over the princess's head. From the other side of the aisle sat Mustang and Hawkeye, the others were riding in a separate car with the prisoners. Hawkeye had produced a stack of paperwork seemingly from nowhere (it had actually been picked up from Hamlet regarding the recent incident.) She silently handed the stack to Mustang who had looked like he was about to fall asleep himself.

Mustang sighed heavily. He hated paperwork, loathed it completely. If Hawkeye wasn't watching him carefully, he could have 'accidentally' rendered the pile to ash. She was watching however, and with an expression that stated she knew exactly what he was thinking. He also acknowledged the importance of this particular stack and the need for him to handle it himself. That didn't stop him from envisioning it, or her from glaring to tell him she knew exactly what he was seeing.

"So, how mad is she?" Ed asked suddenly, distracting the silent argument across the aisle.

"Oh. Heh. Not that bad…" Al said nervously.

"She's going to kill me for sure." Ed whined, paling rapidly after his brother's 'assurance'.

"I'm sure it won't be that bad." Chen grumbled having woken at Ed's wail. "Just blame it all on me like you have all week."

"It IS your fault!" Ed said. "Blaming you isn't going to save me anyway."

"If she frightens you this much why go to her?" Mustang asked as he signed a page and turned the next one. " We can send for someone closer at least for a simple repair such as this one."

"Do you know anything at all?" Ed responded, offended for his friend. " No one. NO ONE. Ever touches my automail but the Rockbelles! Winry built this for me herself. It's her work and I would never insult her by allowing some inferior hackjob attempt to fix it!"

"I see." Said Mustang.

"It's okay Brother," Al said as he attempted to soothe his brother. "Winry said she would be on the next train."

"Why so soon?" Ed whined. If it had been completely nonfunctional he would be happy with the rush but since he could move it he was busy dreading the wrench that he was sure would come into play.

"May I watch?" Chen asked in her usual excited fashion.

"No." Ed said instantly.

"Why not?"

"Brother doesn't allow anyone to watch." Al said without looking up from his book. "Not even me."

"Oh"

"You leave before she arrives anyway." Mustang said as he continued to attack his paperwork with a scowl. "I arranged for your departure. After all this you should be happier and safer at home."

Chen frowned, she hadn't intended to leave yet just because of an unscheduled side trip. She had, in fact, considered extending her trip instead. Though as she looked at Ed she could admit to herself he was looking rather worn out. "It really is for your protection." Mustang added, he saw the same defiant look in her eyes he was coming to associate with Fullmetal that seemed to cause all of the boy's trouble. It must be a child thing he decided with a shrug, happy that soon she would no longer be his problem to worry about.

…

East City Command

Mustang's Office

1pm

They went directly from the train station to the office, taking all of the children with them. Mustang didn't trust they would stay out of trouble for the four hours they had to wait before Chen's train arrived. Once the children were safely deposited ,pouting, on separate couches in Mustang's line of sight he relaxed slightly. He sent Fuery to collect lunch for them all, and Hawkeye and Havoc settled into the paperwork this mission generated. Breda and Falman had yet to return from processing the criminals.

It was quiet for about thirty minutes from the kids' section. Just short to relax over another possible fight, but long enough to begin to worry that they were silently plotting over there. Mustang was debating if he should interrupt whatever they were up to over there when Fuery finally returned with lunch in several white paper bags.

There were a frenzied few minutes while the young soldier was swarmed as everyone rushed to grab their food. After the children had resettled on the couches, now joined by the adults they began eating. Alphonse had excused himself to the corner where he was reading a book, his portion safely tucked into a bag by his side. So far, Ed had managed to convince anyone who asked that his brother preferred to eat out of sight and would take his food to the outer office to eat in peace as soon as Mustang gave permission. Mustang, having forgotten briefly that this was how Ed had been handling questions about his brother, quickly nodded to Al when Ed used this excuse once again when Chen invited Al to sit by her.

Al left quietly, before Hawkeye stood, and calm as usual said. "Permission to attend the children's shopping Sir."

"Go ahead. Take Alphonse with you if he's done." Mustang said, ignoring the scowls from both Edward and Chen at being called children.

"What shopping anyway?" Edward grumbled.

"You are both filthy and in dire need of a change. Chen's luggage will arrive on the platform just before her train, however I doubt she wants to travel in her current dress. You could both use a shower as well. We'll take care of that when Hawkeye returns." Mustang said calmly.

"When will my luggage arrive?" Edward said.

"At the same time, baring no issues."

"What do you know about the Philosopher's Stone?" Chen asked the room in general. Mustang glared at Edward who shrugged as Fuery patted Havoc who had choked.

"I told you the last time you asked," Edward said to Chen after swallowing his mouthful of noodles. "No one knows if they're real or a myth, but I firmly intend to find out."

"Why the interest?" Mustang asked casually.

"No reason in particular." Chen said brightly.

"She's obsessed with all things alchemy." Ed grumbled. "Never stops with the questions. Make this, show me that. It's one of her less annoying traits. Only problem is she got most of what she knows from fiction."

"I am not annoying." Chen said with a frown.

"Yes. Yes you really are." Ed replied, but with less venom than usual. He only had to put up with her for a couple more hours, and with help, somehow with the end in sight she was less annoying.

"Well, at least I'm not short." Chen said with a frown.

"Who are you calling so small he could get lost in Mustang's paperwork?!" Ed yelled as he jumped to his feet. "We're the same freaking size!"

"Yes, Edward. However, I'm a girl. I should be smaller than you. Except you are short." Chen said calmly before picking up a book from the table and smirking at Ed.

That was it. Edward was done. There was absolutely nothing Mustang could say or do to make him spend another moment in this girl's company. They could court martial him for all he cared. He was walking out of here right now. " After we deliver the princess, I think we should all go to dinner." Mustang said calmly. "My treat." Except that. Damn Mustang, knowing just how to get to him. With a huff Ed sat back down across from Chen, but refused to look in her direction.

The silence lasted about ten minutes aside from the soft shuffling of papers and scratching of pens until Havoc asked. "So, how long will your repairs take?"

"Probably a day, maybe two." Edward said, paling at the idea of Winry's ire and glaring a Chen.

"Don't you dare blame me again Edward Elric!" Chen said angrily. "It is not my fault you fell off of the train."

"Pushed! We were pushed!" Edward said, just as Hawkeye and Alphonse walked back into the room. Al sighed deeply. "If you were half as clever as you think you are, we would have been fine. Instead of sitting still like I TOLD you to do, you just had to pick a fight."

"If YOU had actually done something I wouldn't have had to try to get us out of it!" Chen said now stabbing Ed with her finger, as he glared in return, both standing on either side of the coffee table.

"If you bothered to pay attention, you would have noticed Al was slipping behind them. We had a plan! You screwed it up and now I'm going to be in trouble with Winry!"

"… Who?"

"Ugh! My mechanic! Do you ever listen?"

"I don't know. DO you ever say anything worth hearing?"

"You are the most annoying person on the entire F-"

"FULLMETAL! ENOUGH!" Mustang attempted to interject.

"I'm sorry. I can see you talking but all I can hear is ' Blah blah blah I'm a shrimp Blah blah blah." Chen continues as if Mustang hadn't spoken.

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING SO SMALL A MOUSE SPEAKS LOUDER THAN HIM?!" Edward screamed, jumping on the coffee table.

"Settle down Fullmetal." Mustang said as he pulled the boy back to the floor and stood between the waring teens.

"…Who?" Chen said as she looked around as if an invisible person would suddenly appear.

"ME!" Edward screeched. "I'M FULLMETAL!"

Chen leaned over to Al and asked quietly. "Did he mention that before?"

"YES" replied the room.

" Huh. I should consider paying attention occasionally " Chen mused. Ed glared. Fuery giggled. Mustang raised an eyebrow. Everyone stared.

Edward wondered if dinner was really going to be worth all this and asked where they would be going. Mustang listed Ed's favorite place. He had to have somehow known that Ed was sure.

…

East City Train Station

5pm

It had been a terrible wait, but it was finally time for Chen to depart. The entire team (and Al) had come to see the princess off and go to dinner. The train arrived, with Chen's latest bodyguard aboard. Edward felt a pang of sympathy for the older man, but not enough to warn him. Chen's bags were gathered and she turned to say her goodbyes.

"Well. This is it." Edward said, giving one last stab at politeness. "Have a nice life. Please DO forget to write."

"Like you could reach the postbox anyway." Chen said dismissively.

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING SO SMALL HE COULD BE MISTAKEN FOR A POSTAGE STAMP."

"That is the only thing I'm going to miss about you." Chen said with a smile as Ed lunged at her and she casually stepped out of the way. "Anyway. Thank you for everything. I had a lot of fun."

" Yeah, whatever." Edward said crossly. "Can you get on the train already so I can eat before I die via wrench."

With that the princess finally boarded the train with her latest victim (bodyguard) and Ed turned to his team. "Oh, Fullmetal. Before I forget, I have your next assignment waiting on my desk." Mustang said as they all climb in the car.

"No. No more babysitting. Please." Edward groaned.

"No it is not another bodyguard assignment." Mustang said with amusement in his voice. "Come in first thing tomorrow to receive the new file and deliver your report."

"No problem." Edward ground out. If Mustang wanted a report, he would get a report. The most detailed, neat report anyone had ever written. Mustang would rue the day he forced Ed to babysit that brat.


	11. Bonus Chapter: The Report

Edward Elric waited impatiently at the train station for his friend/ mechanic Winry Rockbelle's train to arrive. The twelve year old state alchemist had just returned from his very long week a few hours earlier. Though he had since changed and eaten he was very visibly travel worn. He had an exhausted expression, slouched shoulders, and a slight limp. His right (automail) arm was in a sling. His long golden hair was in complete disarray, the braid long forgotten. He leaned heavily on his brother's large metal frame.

The train arrived just as Al was about to suggest Ed go home, since Al could easily escort Winry himself. There was no point in making the suggestion now however, so he waived to their friend instead and hoped they would get home before Brother fell over from exhaustion. Winry appeared before them carrying both her suitcase and her toolbox. Ed immediately stood straight and attempted to smile. "Hi Win." Ed said nervously.

"How exactly did you manage to fall off of a train Edward?" Winry demanded as she dropped both cases at her feet.

"I didn't fall!" Edward said, face reddening with angry embarrassment. " I was pushed! If Mustang hadn't made me babysit that brat it wouldn't have happened."

"Let's just go home." Al said with a sigh.

They arrived back at their dorm quickly, Havoc had waited for them just outside the station to offer them a ride. As soon as they walked into their dorm, Winry demanded to see his arm. Edward insisted on grabbing paper and a pen before sitting down to allow her to see the damage. "Oh and hold on. I have the screws." Ed said as he dug them out of his pocket.

"Before I unwrap it tell be how bad it is Ed." Winry said. A mixture of anger and concern in her voice.

"Ah, not that bad. Bent plate and some loose screws." Ed said, already distracted by his writing. Winry frowned as she carefully unwrapped his arm. She looked from the damaged appendage to the boy in question, anger simmering in her eyes.

Unfortunately, Ed failed to notice the danger as she carefully asked. "How did this happen again?"

Al hid as Ed shrugged without looking up and said casually. "Thrown off a train, rolled down a hill, and hit a tree."

*CLUNK*

Next thing Ed knew he was lying on the floor with a large welt on his head and Al hovering nearby. His paper was strewn everywhere, knocked off the table by the force of his fall. "WINRY! I have to have this report finished by morning! It HAS to be perfect." Ed said as he regathered the papers, smoothing out the wrinkles.

"What do you mean 'Thrown from a train'? You were doing something stupid and dangerous weren't you?" Winry demanded still waiving her wrench.

"NO!" Ed yelled back. "I didn't do anything! I was babysitting. It was Chen's fault. She got us thrown off the train, and stuck in the woods, and in a fight with these bandits! It was all her."

"Brother." Al said. "Chen didn't mean to do those things. Don't you think it's time to forgive her?"

"She never once admitted she was wrong Al. She's a brat and I'm glad to be rid of her." Ed returned to the table and stretched out his arm for Winry to begin the repairs as he rapidly but neatly filled the blank pages. They worked in silence for about thirty minutes as Ed's done pile grew. Al walked over to read what Ed had written so far when Ed let out a bark of gleeful laughter.

"Brother. I know Colonel Mustang said he wanted a detailed report from now on but I'm not sure this is what he meant." Al said as he read over the pages. " I'm not sure he needs to know about every single person you passed since picking Chen up from the train."

"He said detail. He gets detail." Ed dismissed with a wave. Winry glared and shoved his arm back onto the table after lightly smacking him on the back of the head.

"I'm sure he doesn't care that there was a man in the hotel lobby that badly needed a shower." Al argued, quoting Ed's paper.

"That part's important Al." Ed whined before adding another page to the pile.

"Why?"

"Because! It demonstrates that I DO pay attention to my surroundings, proving that Chen is completely to blame for our unexpected camping trip… and the Mustang was wrong when he accused me of having poor attention span and work ethics when I turned in that report on the mine mission."

"To be fair Brother, you wrote that report on a shopping bag, and all it said was ' Mine's taken care of. Guy they had in charge is an idiot. This was pointless.' And you wrote it as we were walking up the steps to command." Al said with a sigh. "He said you needed to put more thought into your reports but I don't think he meant this."

"He wanted a detailed report, he gets a detailed report. Even if I have to stay up all night writing it. It will be the best report ever received in the history of reports." Ed said a bit manically as he added yet another page to the pile.

"Well, I doubt I'm done before midnight so you have until then." WInry said as she finally looked up for a moment.

"This needs to be perfect." Edward said after about thirty minutes of silence as his report grew steadily taller. There was an almost menacing gleam in his eyes. "If it's perfect, Colonel Bastard will have no choice but to actually realize that none of this was in any way my FAULT and then he will never force me to babysit again."

"I'm pretty sure he'll say causing a disturbance at the … "Ladies Underthings Store'…was your fault Brother." Al said as he carefully read over his brother's done pile.

"Why were you in a lingerie store?" Winry asked a clearly embarrassed Ed.

"I wasn't in there! I yelled for her to come out so we didn't miss the train… Al do me a favor and correct that name for me." Ed said as he picked back up his pen.

"You yelled? Into a store? Why?" Winry asked without removing the tiny flashlight from her teeth and frowning at Ed.

"I wasn't going in there and she took forever coming out."

"You're an idiot Ed." Winry said with the shake of her head.

…

Winry finally finished Ed's repair around midnight as promised. She told him to go to bed himself and crawled into Al's bed for the night. Al watched over Ed awhile longer before Ed finally put his pen down after recounting the final conversation at the train station and rubbing his aching hand. "Now to proofread it and type up the file."

"Brother, Winry finished your arm almost an hour ago. It's late, just go to bed."

"Once I at least read over it." Ed said as he yawned for the eighth time in twenty minutes. "I have to make it perfect."

"I'll go over it again Brother and make any corrections. I don't think you need to type it, but I will even type it up if you want." Al said as he led his half asleep brother to bed. Ed nodded tiredly, mumbling about Al being a great brother. Al then sat down to type up the report himself. In the end it was sixty pages long, neatly typed, with only the one correction. Al placed it in a folder and shook his head at the stack before returning to his reading.


End file.
